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On fear....
Mar. 27th, 2007 12:29 pmFear is a really stupid emotion.
I don't mean that rational impulse that says "gee, it might not be a good idea to dance on the edge of bridge". I mean more irrational fears. In my case, the biggie isn't fear of heights, or spiders or water.
It's this terrifying thought: "what will people think?"
That nagging fear has held me back time and again. To the point where I'm just a drone for a legion of selfish, money-grubbing, insincere alpha males (and at least one woman with a shark-like grin). It has led me to avoid opportunities when they come my way, and refusing to create opportunities for myself. It means that at nearly 37, I have to start taking the kind of risks that people in their 20s take, but also have to justify why I am just starting to speak up and do things now.
And this same fear also knocks out my normal sense of compassion and decency, because I'm afraid to speak to certain people for fear of being treated like crap. Even though I really should say something nice and supportive. So, I avoid doing what would any decent person would do.
Don't worry, if you don't understand what I was talking about there, it probably wasn't meant for you.
Allen
P.S.: I sometimes get accused of not being excited enough about things or of being emotionally distant. That's often fear again. Fear of being embarassed, of looking like a fool, etc. Of course, it's possible that in some cases, I really don't care. But usually, it's a problem of caring too much. It's kind of like going shpoo, or however you spell that.
I don't mean that rational impulse that says "gee, it might not be a good idea to dance on the edge of bridge". I mean more irrational fears. In my case, the biggie isn't fear of heights, or spiders or water.
It's this terrifying thought: "what will people think?"
That nagging fear has held me back time and again. To the point where I'm just a drone for a legion of selfish, money-grubbing, insincere alpha males (and at least one woman with a shark-like grin). It has led me to avoid opportunities when they come my way, and refusing to create opportunities for myself. It means that at nearly 37, I have to start taking the kind of risks that people in their 20s take, but also have to justify why I am just starting to speak up and do things now.
And this same fear also knocks out my normal sense of compassion and decency, because I'm afraid to speak to certain people for fear of being treated like crap. Even though I really should say something nice and supportive. So, I avoid doing what would any decent person would do.
Don't worry, if you don't understand what I was talking about there, it probably wasn't meant for you.
Allen
P.S.: I sometimes get accused of not being excited enough about things or of being emotionally distant. That's often fear again. Fear of being embarassed, of looking like a fool, etc. Of course, it's possible that in some cases, I really don't care. But usually, it's a problem of caring too much. It's kind of like going shpoo, or however you spell that.
