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Going forward...
Jan. 29th, 2007 11:04 amIt's odd, being insecure as I am, I have a lot of friends who seem to spend a lot of time bolstering my ego. "Oh, it's okay." "What you did is fine." "You're really a success." I have a hard time understanding why telling me complete and utter bullshit is in any way helpful.
The truth is that I needed to get my ass in gear at least 15 years ago, and preferably 20 years ago. I still haven't done the kind of crap I needed to do at 16 years old. And it's becoming clear how much harder it will be to pursue writing as I get older. The more time goes on, the more need to justify why I was a lazy, Gen-X fuck-up for so long. And that's all it will be justifications.
I need to revise my self-image. Either to work like a hungry ravenous wolf for something I want, or to do -- as some people I know have done -- give up my aspirations. And personally, I'd rather defenestrate myself than accept my current life as all that my life could or should be. The joys in life should not be restricted to DVD watching or whatever.
I'm working more on doing stuff. Partly due to the proddings of one friend who understands that true compassion is telling people what they really need to hear, not some prettified version of life.
Allen
P.S.: I used to praise the Doctor Who episode "Love & Monsters". Now I'm not so sure. Part of me wonders if its message is just "People buy all our products, talk about our show and go to conventions and spend cash on BBC items are truly special, beautiful people." That is, "keep buying those DVDs, kid".
The truth is that I needed to get my ass in gear at least 15 years ago, and preferably 20 years ago. I still haven't done the kind of crap I needed to do at 16 years old. And it's becoming clear how much harder it will be to pursue writing as I get older. The more time goes on, the more need to justify why I was a lazy, Gen-X fuck-up for so long. And that's all it will be justifications.
I need to revise my self-image. Either to work like a hungry ravenous wolf for something I want, or to do -- as some people I know have done -- give up my aspirations. And personally, I'd rather defenestrate myself than accept my current life as all that my life could or should be. The joys in life should not be restricted to DVD watching or whatever.
I'm working more on doing stuff. Partly due to the proddings of one friend who understands that true compassion is telling people what they really need to hear, not some prettified version of life.
Allen
P.S.: I used to praise the Doctor Who episode "Love & Monsters". Now I'm not so sure. Part of me wonders if its message is just "People buy all our products, talk about our show and go to conventions and spend cash on BBC items are truly special, beautiful people." That is, "keep buying those DVDs, kid".
