Boo,,,

Dec. 18th, 2008 07:46 pm
puckrobin: (Default)
[personal profile] puckrobin
Feels like it's been ages since I've said anything about myself on here. Some of that has been holding stuff inside. I've been in retreat mode for ages, and in some ways, I'm always in retreat mode.

Someone very dear to me once cited my insecurity, my timidness as a reason to like me, a strength. And I don't think it is. (I suspect that person's opinion has probably been revised now .. I'm actually too timid to find out.) I'd say my tendency to run and hide, to not actually articulate what I want (leading to a place where I don't know even know what I want) is my greatest weakness. Pretty much every stupid thing I do comes from that. Comes from an eagerness to please.

I think about Ricky Gervais's two TV characters. David Brent from the Office wants to be liked -- it's his primary goal. And he's a monstrous person. On the other hand, his Andy Millman from Extras is far more openly sarcastic and confident, and yet he's a more likeable person.


All of which is vague and whiny, and none of this is as frankly honest, interesting and soulful as what my friend Diresquirrel wrote in his blog recently.

Oh well, I guess that's because my creative side has been channelled into thinking about tournaments, necklaces, carts, manacles and vassals.

Allen
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